Question: Why would a nice church lady discuss prostitution on her blog?
Answer: To support author Ruth Jacobs’s mission to dispel the “happy hooker” myth and expose the “soul-destroying” reality of prostitution.
Ruth Jacobs, author of the Soul Destruction novels
I recently read Ruth Jacobs’s book In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl and her blog, Voices of Prostitution Survivors. To be honest, I half expected to find lurid pornography masquerading as social commentary. Instead, I found authentic reflections from “Q” and other real women caught up in the trade (often as very young girls). I was so moved by their experiences that I contacted Ruth, and she graciously agreed to answer my questions.
Ruth, what is your interest in writing about women in prostitution?
I feel I have an affinity with them.
- 75% of women who work as prostitutes have been sexually and physically abused as children – I was sexually assaulted as a child.
- 70% of women in prostitution have been raped multiple times – I have been raped twice.
- 67% of women in prostitution meet the criteria for post traumatic stress disorder – I have suffered with post traumatic stress disorder for much of my life.
- 95% of women in prostitution have issues with problematic drug use – Until my mid-twenties, I was a drug addict and alcoholic.
In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl is just what it says: a transcript of an interview in which a woman you call “Q” describes how her profession affects her life. How did you happen to meet and interview Q?
I was rather wayward in my teens and early twenties and mixed in London’s underworld. That is how I met Q. Whilst studying, I wrote an essay on women in crime and noted their lack in certain crimes and their existence in prostitution. When it came to choose a topic for my dissertation, prostitution was the obvious choice. Firsthand accounts are the most important when studying a topic such as this, so I asked Q and two other women who worked as call girls in London if they would be willing to be video interviewed.
Why was Q willing to speak so candidly to you?
Q and I were very close friends. I am sure that is what enabled her to show all facets of her personality, and the contradiction of thoughts and feelings she had about working as a prostitute.
In the interview, Q mentions that she started out as a streetwalker before getting into the higher paid job of call girl, or hired escort. Just to clarify – are either of those activities legal in the United Kingdom? Was Q ever jailed?
Some activities relating to prostitution are legal and some are not. Streetwalking and soliciting for business I am sure is a crime here (in UK). Q was never jailed during the years we were friends. She may have received a criminal record relating to streetwalking but I didn’t know her when she was working the streets, so am not aware of that.
Reading the book, I was struck by how matter-of-factly Q spoke about her experiences. Very low-key, not like a person looking to blame anyone or dramatize her situation.
I think that showed the numbness she had gained over time. She was first forced into prostitution at the age of fifteen. At that age, men seeing her were raping a child. She was sexually abused as a child before this too. It is common for dissociation to occur when such trauma is endured.
It was chilling to read what Q described as the “fun” part of her job: playing a role.
In order not to fall apart and see the hell in which she was living, Q had to create a false self with a false set of beliefs. That is what enabled her to carry on. That was the psychological damage done to her from child sex abuse. Being forced into prostitution whilst still a child and working in prostitution alone can have that effect. There is a blog post entitled Denial written by another London call girl who we were friends with at the same time, which might help better explain why she referred to the work as ‘fun’ whilst also referring to it as feeling like she was being raped and it being soul-destroying.
What do you think “soul” meant to her?
I wouldn’t like to guess what ‘soul’ meant to Q. But by the term ‘soul-destroying’, I think she meant it took away who she was and another self was created in order to deal with and live in that life.
Did faith in a higher power play a part in Q’s experience?
Q and I never discussed religion or a higher power.
How much input did you have in editing Q’s interview for publication?
I chose not to edit the transcript from the video interview. If Q was still alive, I would have edited then asked for her approval before publishing. As that was not possible, I felt it would be wrong to change her words. The title is In Her Own Words… and for that to be true, the words in that book need to be Q’s and not my interpretation or rephrasing of them.
You said Q died before the book came out. What can you share about her death and her life during the intervening years?
I can’t share much. A year after the interview, I stopped taking drugs and in order to do that, I had to let go of all my friends who were still using. I lost contact with Q for many years until a few years ago and we were going to meet up again, but we left it too late and she died. To protect her anonymity for the sake of her family, I won’t discuss how she died or what I know of her life since the years when we were close.
Other survivors of prostitution have related their stories on your blog. How do you make connections with them?
Through Facebook, Twitter and their blogs.
I can’t imagine the courage it would take to relive your private hell in order to write about it, let alone to come forward and allow the world to read about it.
These brave women have been through hell and back. There are many people who deny or diminish the existence of human trafficking or are unaware it exists, and there are many people who are unaware of the damage of prostitution. These women share their stories so that they can expose the truth in the hope it will educate as well as benefit others.
Author Andrew Peters, who first called your work to my attention, said it made him feel ashamed to be a man. (Not saying he’s ever been personally involved – let’s make that perfectly clear!) But what about women? Like the mother mentioned by one of your web contributors, who constantly called her daughter a whore until the girl ran away and ended up becoming one.
I think the subject runs so deep, it is hard to say. One of the main links is abuse in childhood, sexual and physical, for women in prostitution. This abuse is more often from a male, but of course, there will be some mothers or female caregivers who play a part in abusing children too. It is also of paramount importance after a child discloses abuse, that the child is believed and supported and loved by their caregiver. If this is not forthcoming, although the mother/ female caregiver might not have been the actual abuser, they have played a part in further damaging the child.
My rural American community is a far cry from the big metropolis of London and its high-priced call girls. But streetwalkers ply their trade in nearby towns, and I imagine some women my husband and I see in our local bar are “paid dates.” Do you have any information on prostitution in rural settings?
My study only involved women in London. In my research of books available, there wasn’t anything specific about prostitution in rural communities.
Some of my readers may be all too familiar with the conditions of prostitution and situations like those described by Q and your Voices of Prostitution Survivors contributors. But I’m betting most readers are as ignorant as I was. Now that you’ve raised our awareness, what can we do to help?
There are a number of charities working to help women exit prostitution and also to stop human trafficking. Those charities could always use support. There are links to many of these on the useful links section of my website. (Scroll all the way to the bottom of the home page. The list of links is on the right side.)
I understand you put your money where your mouth is, donating book proceeds to charity.
All the royalties from In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl go to Beyond the Streets, which is a charity that helps women exit prostitution. To find out more about them, their website is at http://www.beyondthestreets.org.uk/
Now let’s talk about Ruth Jacobs the novelist. Tell us about your fiction projects.
I am writing two series of novels, Soul Destruction and Soul Destruction Diary. I draw inspiration for both series from my research into prostitution in the late 1990s and from the women I’ve interviewed. The first book in the Soul Destruction series, entitled Soul Destruction, will be published in 2013 by Caffeine Nights.
I love the motto of Caffeine Nights Publishing: “Fiction aimed at the heart and the head.” That seems to suit your work! What’s the plot of Soul Destruction about?
That story follows a character named Shelley Hansard, a heroin addicted, crack psychotic, London call girl who gets the opportunity to take revenge on a client who raped her. Although I see prostitution as abuse and soul-destroying, in this book Soul Destruction doesn’t only apply to prostitution. I won’t say more than that, in case I give too much away.
Soul Destruction Diary can currently be read on my website. It is written in the voice of Nicole O’Connell, Shelley Hansard’s closest friend in Soul Destruction. Nicole is a call girl from London and the first diary charts Nicole’s time in Sydney, Australia where she travels in order to escape her heroin addiction.
I’ve read excerpts of Soul Destruction Diary. Not for the prudish or faint of heart, but you write it with deep understanding of Nicole’s interior life.
Do you do short fiction as well?
I have had a short story, “Protection,” published online and plan to write some more shorts in the next year or two. But my main focus is on the Soul Destruction series and the Soul Destruction Diary series. Soul Destruction begins in 1997 and I started it then so I could bring it right up to date.
Have you had formal writing training?
I haven’t had formal training but I’ve had years of practice. I’ve also read a great number of books on writing and the different aspects of writing such as plot and structure, description, dialogue etc.
Which aspects of writing do you have to work harder at?
I have to work harder at adding description. I think this is because of the way that I write. I watch the characters in my head and report on what they are doing and saying. I need to look around more at their surroundings to ensure I add enough description for the readers to build a picture in their head.
Do you have a group of fellow writers who support and critique your writing?
I don’t belong to a formal writing group but I have made many new writing friends via Facebook and joined some writing groups on there. There are two authors who have kindly critiqued short stories for me. For my first novel, I gave it to friends and family to read and asked for their honest feedback and of course, to check for any errors as well.
Do you write for your private benefit, like journaling or personal poetry?
I used to write poetry when I was a young teenager but very rarely now. I don’t journal because with my job, children and writing novels, I don’t have time. I have two children and work a day job in information security recruitment.
What is information security recruitment?
I find jobs for people who are specialists in information security.
Then you and I have something in common besides writing. I spent several years of my career with the New York State Department of Labor as an employment services interviewer, placing low-income applicants into jobs and training. Most had criminal records or other difficult circumstances to overcome. I’m sure many had been abused, though it didn’t come up in our conversations.
Ruth, I’m always interested to learn about other people’s faith. If you’re willing, please tell us about your faith/religion/spiritual beliefs.
That’s rather complicated and it changes from day to day. Sometimes I have a belief in a higher power, but when something terrible happens that belief can fade and die.
I’ve ridden that faith/doubt roller coaster too. Do you find that your faith connects with your writing?
I don’t think there is any connection to my writing and faith. However, I will say that certain things have happened to do with my writing, which I believe are not pure coincidence but have been put in place by a higher power.
Can you give us an example?
One example is that just as I was beginning my blog, I found myself sitting opposite a young woman on a train into London who looked like my character Nicole O’Connell from Soul Destruction Diary. After much deliberation, I asked if I could take a picture of her, and explained what it was for. She agreed but the picture didn’t turn out well with the backdrop of the train. However, she suggested I add her on Facebook and that as she was at drama school, she had a portfolio of pictures that I could use for the blog. It turned out her portfolio was perfect for what I needed. Later, when I was making a trailer for In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl, I needed different pictures. Amazingly, she had just done a photo shoot, which again was perfect for that particular requirement.
I think my meeting you across the Atlantic Ocean is another divine appointment! (Today, November 2, is All Souls’ Day. Coincidence? I think not!)
Now, lock your modesty in the closet for a moment, and share something wonderful you’ve achieved.
I am just delighted that after over twenty years of writing novels, I have actually completed one and it is going to be published. In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl has already received a number of 5-star reviews, including a 5-star review from Stephen Leather, one of the UK’s most successful writers and the author of more than 30 bestsellers.
Congratulations, that’s fantastic! Now for the other side of the coin. What about disappointments or struggles?
Too many in my personal life to mention. In terms of writing, there were many rejections before I received the offer to publish Soul Destruction from Caffeine Nights.
You’ve answered my nosey questions very generously, Ruth! Where can people learn more or get in touch with you?
To find out more about me and my Soul Destruction series of novels and also to read the stories bravely shared by women who have survived prostitution, please visit my website at www.soul-destruction.com.
Ruth Jacobs on Twitter http://twitter.com/RuthFJacobs
Ruth Jacobs on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/rujacobs
Soul Destruction on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/SoulDestructionSeries
Soul Destruction on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/RuthFJacobs/videos
In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl is available to download from Amazon UK at http://amzn.to/P992RY for 77p and from Amazon US at http://amzn.to/Qo3SZD for 99c. It is also available worldwide.
Ruth, I so appreciate your taking the time to join us and sharing so openly. Your words will be a blessing, in ways we’ll probably never know. Thank you!
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Readers, I’m glad you stopped by, too. Please leave comments and questions for Ruth in the comments box. Thanks!
If you are a first-time commenter, your comment won’t go “live” until I approve it. Please don’t let that discourage you from commenting! I’ll moderate as promptly as I can. – Linda
Linda… so very well done. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your candid love for God’s children… Not enough of us are willing to wade out of our sheltered lives and learn what it’s like to live where Q did… where too many women live.
Much love my friend.
-Mary
Thanks, Mary! It’s easy to turn our heads the other way when it doesn’t directly affect ourselves or our daughters. But when I read the stories these women have shared with Ruth, it makes me sick at heart. And if just reading about it is enough to horrify me, how awful must it be to LIVE it!
It DOES directly affect us and our daughters… that’s why we must be alert and aware, at every moment. Even those who aren’t haunted by their pasts need to be aware… it’s often the “good girls” who get drawn in as well as those from broken homes or other backgrounds… not all prostitutes are from “bad” families, but that’s the impression we have, and the lie that keeps us blind. Thanks for shining a light, my friend.
You are so right, Mary. And Ruth is a beacon on their behalf.
Let me just add that her book, “In Her Own Words…” is not at all graphic. Very unemotional. This is easier to read, in a way, than Ruth’s fiction or the stories contributed to her website by prostitution survivors. But Q’s emotionless tone is even more horrifying in its own way. That numbness and dissociation Ruth talked about is obvious.
Thank you for your interest and care, Mary.
(hugs) Ruth. What you’ve written and shared takes courage. I wish you all the best. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Well done both of you…I am honoured to have been the means of introducing you to each other ( and glad that you pointed out that I have never, do never and will never……).
Thanks, Andrew! I know, you’re too busy writing sketchy detective stories to get into trouble. That kind, anyway. 😉
Thank you very much for the introduction, Andrew.
Linda–I was blown away by your interview with Ruth.
Ruth, thank you for sharing so openly and for writing about prostitution and the soul destruction it brings. We so often close our eyes to the hurts and the horrors around us. My first career was in elementary education administration, and I ached over the sexual abuse of one child, and the suspected (but never proven by social services) abuse of a few others. I wonder today if they escaped and have peaceful adulthoods, or if they are entrapped in the cycle of destruction.
One of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 91:4–He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge. I pray those words right now for you, Ruth, and am also asking the love of Jesus to surround you as you write to expose the soul destruction around us. Thank you for opening eyes of readers through the life of Q.
Thanks for your kind words, Vie.
I’m sure we’ve all speculated about the “date” who looks a little too bruised and a lot too “out of it.” But what do we do about it? What CAN we do about it? Those who believe in someone to pray to, pray. That’s a powerful action in itself. And getting the situation out in the open has to be a good thing.
But don’t mistake me for some saintly crusader because I sit my well-fed derriere in the comfort of my warm, loving home to type a few computer keys. The test is: What will I do next time I see one of those bruised girls with the glazed expression wandering around the bar?
I’m open for them to talk to me, and some of them do – mostly to comment how cute my husband and I are (old geezer and geezette, I think they mean) having fun dancing and singing Karaoke and sipping our soft drinks. They’re always shocked to find out we’re not only married (a foreign concept) but have been for almost 40 years (that concept’s not even in their galaxy). We’ve been known to chat about the abusive boyfriend and I make a light remark about the kind of relationship that’s worked for me and Bill. Maybe that helps.
But I don’t go into full-on rescue mode. Don’t think I have the nerve. Don’t know if it would do any good.
Thank you for your care and compassion, Vie.
I pray the arms of Jesus will surround these dear women and they will know the touch of the One Who will never hurt them.
Praying for the evil to stop!
Elaine W. Miller
http://Www.SplashesofSerenity.com
Thanks, Elaine! Amen to that!
You know, I didn’t believe in God until he grabbed me by the scruff of the neck when I was in my thirties. What if life had tossed me into the dumpster during those faithless years? How would I have recognized the Lord putting his arms around me, picking my soul out of the trash, and cleaning it up good as new? So I join your prayer that they will KNOW the Lord’s touch, right now, when and where they need it.
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Elaine.
Thank you for sharing. It’s such a tragedy. Its so easy to assume prostitutes are born sluts. Well, the truth is sexual barriers are broken down by abuse and many prostitutes are actually stolen goods – women who’ve been trafficked against their wills. It’s a horror to be sure and its only the grace of God that protects any of us. Thank you so much for stepping out and speaking to this issue!
I’m hoping to have the first book in my series of broken women published in the next 18 months. My stories deal with women from various walks of life dealing with different kinds of abuse: physical abuse, passive aggressive abuse, sexual – within marriage… outside of marriage… and childhood, etc. My heart goes out to abused women and I hope to show them the hope and healing that can be had through a relationship with Christ.
~ Linnette R Mullin, Writer
Thanks so much for sharing, Linnette. Please post links here to your work when it becomes available.
If I can keep in touch with you… Maybe you can like my writer’s page and remind me. I can never remember where I find stuff. LOL My FB page is: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Linnette-R-Mullin-Writer/23510882491.
I’m negotiating a contract for book one right now. It’s about Beth, a young woman, who grew up on a church, very protected, and ended up in a passive aggressive relationship. She has a choice to make, but her choice lands her in trouble she never would have dreamed or could have imagined.
Book two will be about her friend who was abused by father and brothers growing up, abused by her husband later, and is now trying to maintain life as a single mom when two men and God decide to enter her life.
Book three and four will possibly be:
one girl is an unwed mother determined to never trust a man again (the father of the baby is in jail for kidnapping, assault, and rape of someone else), but…
and another girl whose been adopted and raised by her aunt and uncle because her parents lived in a sex and drug commune in which she was property to be shared.
Yes. All the main characters in these stories are connected to each other in some way, but you can read one story without having to read them all.
This is not a commercial, its just to give you an idea of what kind of stories to expect.
Thanks for the advance scoop on your projects, Linnette. Sounds excellent!
As others have remarked, growing up in a church-going family is no guarantee against the nastiness and downright evil in the world. Makes you more vulnerable in some ways. No one wants to believe that a church leader is a manipulating abuser, but it happens. And threatening the wrath of God is a powerful club to keep women and children under your thumb.
My church has a Safe Sanctuaries program to minimize the opportunities for kids and vulnerable adults to be abused, but predators are pretty crafty.
You’re welcome, Linda! And thank you! I pray as I write and edit, asking God to help me stay true to abused women. I don’t want to belittle them and what they’ve gone through in any way. I have a few friends who have helped me keep it real.
You’re on the right track, Linnette. An individual in distress doesn’t need some well-meaning church lady making a clumsy attempt to empathize. Hard not to come off as patronizing when you haven’t been through it yourself. But fear of coming off as patronizing is a pretty flimsy excuse for not trying to help. So I figure the best thing is to put that foot forward and trust the Lord to set it down someplace that doesn’t squash anyone.
Obviously I need sleep. I know what I meant but that sounded incomprehensible even to me. 🙂 Carry on.
Thank you for your understanding, Linnette. Your books sound interesting too.
You’re so welcome, Ruth! 😀 I definitely want to check this book out! I’ve only seen sexual abuse third party, but not up close. Some loved ones of mine and I’ve seen the life long devastation is leaves. My heart just aches! (((Hugs)))
Hello Linda, new reader and friend of Ruth’s here just dropping by to say what an excellent read this was. You are an excellent interviewer, very relational and compassionate. I think it’s great that you did this because religion often splits women into the dichotomy of virgin/whore with so much judgment on both sides and which completely erases the beauty and complexity that us women embody. What you did in this post and what Ruth does through her work is put the humanity back into all the women being made sub-human by abusers and sex trade consumers. Well done.
Thanks very much, Feminist Rag! And let me apologize for the delay in approving your post. My Internet service has been out since yesterday afternoon and just came back on. (Thank you, Time Warner repair dude – he’s been up and down every pole in the neighborhood trying to isolate the problem.)
Anyway, FR, your kind words mean a lot because I heard through the cyber-grapevine that some people assumed my post was going to ream the prostitutes because I’m a religious person. And I was a little nervous that my conservative Christian writer friends might ream ME for condoning prostitution!
Both fears were unfounded. Yes, I got quick replies and Facebook posts and private messages from a number of Christian writers, many in my regular posse, some I’d never heard from before. Every single one applauded the interview and expressed deep compassion for the victims of prostitution and other forms of abuse.
It gives me hope that we all can respect, cherish, and lift up one another without regard to the wide divides of religious/political/social viewpoints.
Hi Linda, no worries about the delayed response and thank you for your lovely comment too, I like your relational style and it is what makes you a great interviewer!
How fabulous that all the feedback you got for this interview was of a compassionate and respectful nature. That is proof in the pudding that we CAN respect, cherish and lift up one another above and beyond our personal differences. 🙂
If anyone needs “reaming out”, it’s the Spiritually-deadened men who think it’s okay to rent women’s bodies for their greedy sexual wants. I half joke here, because “reaming out” implies sin/guilt/blame/shame, which doesn’t get us very far.
But I do think more spotlight needs to be shone on the men who are fueling the demand for prostitution because they need to stop their destructive behavior. Most of them are probably very secretive about it because OF being guilted/shamed/blamed etc, which is hard not to shame/blame them given how much they physically, Spiritually and emotionally harm the women they rent. But if we can get past the “reaming”/shaming/blaming, I wonder if/how we can get through to these men to change their ways. What do you think?
Sincerely,
FR
That’s a tough question, FR, and I sure don’t have any brilliant answers. But I had plenty of time to think about it while I waited for the Cable Guy to fix my latest Internet outage this morning. 🙂
Appealing to their nonexistent compassion ain’t gonna stop customers who get off on abusing and subjugating women. I bet many of these brutes got that way by being abused themselves in one way or another. They dump on someone else to pump themselves up, or they take out their frustrations on a human punching bag. Sad. But recognizing the abusers’ tragedies doesn’t help the ones they abuse, whether it’s a prostitute or their wife and kids. Maybe paying more attention to abuse of both girls and boys might nip some of that in the bud. Easier said than done.
I’d guess many guys who patronize prostitutes do so simply because they don’t have a wife/girlfriend available for sex (or the kind of sex they want) and they don’t want to settle for celibacy or self-service. Customers like that might be basically decent guys who figure they’re buying what the prostitute is marketing, to mutual benefit. They might feel guilty about cheating on their wives or sinning against God if that’s their religious belief. They might be concerned about “catching something” or getting arrested themselves. But I don’t think they see the other person in the equation–the hooker– as a victim, assuming they don’t rough her up. If guys in this category were educated about the destructive effects of the trade on the hookers, would they stop patronizing them? I don’t know. How many men give higher priority to compassion than to getting their ashes hauled? Some, certainly. How to increase that number??
I don’t remember ever discussing prostitution with my son, but I did tell him what I thought of stashing porn under the bed: A steady diet of that stuff gives a kid a sweet tooth that will spoil his appetite for more nutritious fare when that gets served up later. I mean, if a boy gets the idea that beauty means air-brushed 40-24-36 perfection, what real girl is ever going to measure up? And if the articles and advice columns convince him he should want–make that, he’s entitled to–adventurous sex 24/7, how is he ever going to be satisfied with a wife who’s not so inclined? Let alone the whole concept of pleasing her as much as himself, which is that nutritious partnership. Those porn mag expectations set up all his future relationships for disappointment and conflict.
Well, I’ll exit my pulpit now. 🙂 Time to rustle up lunch for me and my sweet patootie (marriage partner of 39 years).
–Linda
Thank you so much for your continued support and encouragement Feminist Rag.